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? Best Cartoons of 2011 (So Far)
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Image courtesy of Subnormality
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A Funny Site of the Day with your Guide Mike Durrett
Just call me Snakepuff. That's according to this handy online generator which traded my given name for my special Pokemon appellation.
I also received an update on my Pokemon profile. It seems I "live in the searing volcanoes of Brazil, and (my) diet consists mostly of rocks, twigs and industrial runoff." Yep, some things never change, except the Brazil part and I'm going to need more Tums.
Furthermore, my characteristics include: "You can breathe hot death. You have propellers. You can shoot broken glass. You can throw kippers. You can breathe iron filings. You have a fear of poison. You have a covered wicker basket. You can throw ice bolts. You can puke acid."
Huh? I can puke acid? Well, don't tell my mother. She already made me stop.
I was having fun with this device at Doberman Pizza, so I plugged in my wife's name. Her Pokename is Chubar and here's what the generator has to say to her: "You have a sequined jumpsuit. You have a fear of rocks. You can walk on Dr. Pepper. You can resist lightning bolts. You can shoot slime. You can shoot bricks. You can breathe electricity. You can puke acid."
Ahh, we're made for each other. Tums, M'lady?
Comedy is in the mind of the beholder. Proceed at your own risk.
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When Americans take to the streets to exercise their freedom of speech, the results are often hilarious — sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.See our roundup of the funniest political protest signs we've seen in recent years, including memorable signs from the Rally to Restore Sanity, the Tea Party rallies, and other demonstrations.
More Funny Pictures
? Ridiculous Tea Party Signs
? Funny Bumper Stickers
? Funniest Pictures of All Time
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"The woman suing Bill O'Reilly for unwanted phone sex is allegedly asking for $60 million in damages. That sounds like a lot, until you figure it works out to about $2.99 a minute." --Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"As you know, Bill O'Reilly is being accused of sexual harassment from a female producer on his show. She claims they had phone sex and he claims, no he is just a victim of vast right hand conspiracy." --Jay Leno
"First Mike Wallace had the run in with the limo driver -- remember they threw Mike Wallace in jail. Then Dan Rather gets caught with a fake memo, now Bill O'Reilly being sued for sexual harassment. Do you know the most trusted news man in America is now Geraldo Rivera?" --Jay Leno
"When it comes to accusations, we don't know who's telling the truth, so I'm not going to get on the Bill O'Reilly bandwagon. But one of his producers is suing him for unwanted phone sex with her while he was using a vibrator on himself. To me, that doesn't sound like Bill O'Reilly, because usually he's pulling stuff out of his ass." --Bill Maher
"California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says that after he gave a speech at the Republican Convention, his wife, Maria Shriver, was so mad, she wouldn't have sex with him for 14 days. Schwarzenegger said things got so bad he had to call up Bill O'Reilly." --Conan O'Brien
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment suit against Bill O-O-O'Reilly. She claims he repeatedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. The last straw was when he asked her if her breasts were fair and balanced." --Jay Leno
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment against Bill O'Reilly. He reportedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. Of coarse, the people at Fox News were shocked. They had no idea O'Reilly was a Democrat. Oh, it gets worse, after she hung up on him, Bill tried to *69 her." --Jay Leno
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
Related Links
‧ Today's Jokes
‧ Bill O'Reilly Humor
‧ Fox News Follies
‧ Media Blowhards
‧ Media Cartoons
A few gems:
"Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In other words, his idea of instilling confidence is by saying, 'Don't worry. I'm not as smart as George W. Bush.'" -Conan O'Brien"Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'" —Conan O'Brien
"President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation." —Jay Leno
"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?"—Jon Stewart, on Weinergate
"Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations." —Craig Ferguson
"It's just so great to be back on Fox News, a network that both pays me and shows me the questions ahead of time. I just hope that tonight the lamestream media won't twist my words by repeating them verbatim." —Tina Fey as Sarah Palin
Read more of the year's best late-night jokes...
See Also:
? Latest Late-Night Jokes
? Best Jokes About the GOP Candidates
? Rick Perry Jokes
? Barack Obama Jokes
What's Your Pokename?