Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.
New this week: cartoons on class warfare, Rick Perry's rhetoric, climate change denial, the death penalty, and more.
More Political Cartoon Collections
? Best Cartoons of 2011 (So Far)
? Best Cartoons on the GOP Candidates
? Liberal Cartoons
? Conservative Cartoons
Today, it seems like all cartoons are either produced by Seth Macfarlane ("Family Guy", "The Cleveland Show", "American Dad") or a team of robots that were programmed to rearrange '90s episodes of "The Simpsons" into something less funny that kind of seems new ("The Simpsons"). But even if the Fox network can't be bothered to show you something animated that you haven't seen before, that doesn't mean original animation is dead or relegated to Adult Swim's irregular schedule. Don't believe us? Well, stop being so incredulous and read our profile of Doogtoons. They're cartoons you haven't seen before!
Image courtesy of Doogtoons
After a long, hot summer of there being nothing on TV and having to go out and do stuff like it's the middle ages or something, our favorite TV shows are finally starting to trickle back on to the tube. But this taste is just making us realize how much we really are suffering withdrawal, and there needs to be more, more, MOAR narrative comedy until our brain chemistry has returned to normal. Where TV drops the ball, the 'net picks up the slack: our list of the top 11 web series should help satisfy your cravings. Why eleven? Because it's more than ten, duh.
Image courtesy of College Humor
Pick from boyly / girly body types, hair, eyes, mouth, and clothes, enhanced with critter head gear, ears, face, arms, backsides, bottoms, and tails. Save the new you to your computer desktop and forward to friends.
Related: Animals and Pets Humor | Funny Internet Toys, Games, Time Killers
Need Flash? Free Downloads
Proud game developers at NStorm explain this bright and snowy outdoor challenge:
"Don't look now, but Santa has an all new way to keep those naughty, wise-cracking elves from holding up Christmas this year ... a good, swift kick in the pants. During a holiday trip to Montebelluna, Italy Santa became fascinated with the game of Bocce and decided that with a few minor adjustments making it a contact sport would the perfect addition to the annual Elf Fest.
"Where the elves serve as "bocce balls", Elf Bowling - Bocce Style features Santa kicking elves across the ice to try and get closest to the penguin. There are bonus items along the way like Olive Oil, Salt Shakers, Bombs, Force Fields and Chili Peppers that can completely alter the strategy and gameplay."
The Catch: As usual, there is no online Elf Bowling - Bocce Style play available at NStorm. PC users may download a free, limited features version to the confines of their computers. Time limitations exist, encouraging purchase of the full content version, but there's still plenty of fun to be bowled.
Download: Elf Bowling - Bocce Style (ElfBowling_BocceStyle_install.exe)
Source: NStorm.com
Size: MB PC
System Requirements: PC- Pentium 800, 64 MB Ram, 4 MB VRAM, Win
98, Win 2000, Win NT, Win XP License: Free
Will There Be Antics?: In 3-D Elf-Vision, the quality production, Elf Bowling - Bocce Style, includes new wisecracks and "antics." One can never have enough antics. Bring 'em on!
Play: Elf Bowling - Bocce Style
NOTE: Due to potential virus concerns, never open .exe files attached to email. Share "Elf Bowling - Bocce Style" with friends by directing them to this page to get a fresh download. And be sure to run the file through your virus program before opening the game. Better safe than sorry.
A collection of funny captioned photos and parodies poking fun at Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, and the rest of the GOP presidential hopefuls.More Campaign Humor
? Best Cartoons of the GOP Candidates
? Best Jokes About the GOP Candidates
? Dumbest Quotes by the GOP Candidates
More Funny Pictures
? Funniest Pictures of All Time
? Funny Political Protest Signs
? When Photo Ops Go Horribly Awry
Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.
New this week: cartoons on Rick Perry's presidential prospects, the Solyndra scandal, the GOP's Tea Party problem, and more.
More Political Cartoon Collections
? Best Cartoons of 2011 (So Far)
? Cartoons on GOP Presidential Race
? Liberal Cartoons
? Conservative Cartoons
| Jon Stewart 'Crossfire' Transcript | |
Stewart Slams Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala |
 |
On October 15, 2004, Jon Stewart, host of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" appeared on CNN's "Crossfire." (Watch the video of Stewart's epic "Crossfire" smackdown)
TUCKER CARLSON: Well, he's been called the most trusted name in fake news. Next, we're joined by Jon Stewart for his one-of-a-kind take on politics, the press and America.
PAUL BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.
STEWART: Thank you very much. That was very kind of you to say. Can I say something very quickly? Why do we have to fight?
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: The two of you? Can't we just -- say something nice about John Kerry right now.
"It's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America ... Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America." --Jon Stewart, to "Crossfire" hosts Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala |
CARLSON: I like John. I care about John Kerry.
STEWART: And something about President Bush.
BEGALA: He'll be unemployed soon?
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: I failed the test. I'm sorry.
CARLSON: See, I made the effort anyway.
BEGALA: No, actually, I knew Bush in Texas a little bit. And the truth is, he's actually a great guy. He's not a very good president. But he's actually a very good person. I don't think you should have to hate to oppose somebody, but it makes it easier.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: Why do you argue, the two of you?
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: I hate to see it.
CARLSON: We enjoy it.
STEWART: Let me ask you a question.
CARLSON: Well, let me ask you a question first.
STEWART: All right.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: Is John Kerry -- is John Kerry really the best? I mean, John Kerry has...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: Is he the best? I thought Lincoln was good.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: Is he the best the Democrats can do?
STEWART: Is he the best the Democrats can do?
CARLSON: Yes, this year of the whole field.
STEWART: I had always thought, in a democracy -- and, again, I don't know -- I've only lived in this country -- that there's a process. They call them primaries.
CARLSON: Right.
STEWART: And they don't always go with the best, but they go with whoever won. So is he the best? According to the process.
CARLSON: Right. But of the nine guys running, who do you think was best. Do you think he was the best, the most impressive?
STEWART: The most impressive?
CARLSON: Yes.
STEWART: I thought Al Sharpton was very impressive.
STEWART: I enjoyed his way of speaking. I think, oftentimes, the person that knows they can't win is allowed
to speak the most freely, because, otherwise, shows with titles, such as CROSSFIRE.
BEGALA: CROSSFIRE.
STEWART: Or "HARDBALL" or "I'm Going to Kick Your Ass" or...
STEWART: Will jump on it.? In many ways, it's funny. And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad.
BEGALA: We have noticed.
STEWART: And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America. But I wanted to come here today and say...
STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.
BEGALA: OK. Now
(CROSSTALK)
| "You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show." --Jon Stewart, to Tucker Carlson |
STEWART: And come work for us, because we, as the people...
CARLSON: How do you pay?
STEWART: The people -- not well.
BEGALA: Better than CNN, I'm sure.
STEWART: But you can sleep at night.
STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.
BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.
STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.
CARLSON: Wait, Jon, let me tell you something valuable that I think we do that I'd like to see you...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: Something valuable?
CARLSON: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: I would like to hear it.
CARLSON: And I'll tell you.
When politicians come on...
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: It's nice to get them to try and answer the question. And in order to do that, we try and ask them pointed questions. I want to contrast our questions with some questions you asked John Kerry recently.
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: ... up on the screen.
STEWART: If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: No, no, no, here's the point.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: If that's your goal.
CARLSON: It's not.
STEWART: I wouldn't aim for us. I'd aim for "Seinfeld." That's a very good show.
CARLSON: Kerry won't come on this show. He will come on your show.
STEWART: Right.
CARLSON: Let me suggest why he wants to come on your show.
STEWART: Well, we have civilized discourse.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: Well, here's an example of the civilized discourse.
Here are three of the questions you asked John Kerry.
| "No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey." --Jon Stewart, to Tucker Carlson |
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as -- quote -- "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?"
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: "Have you ever flip-flopped?" et cetera, et cetera.
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: Didn't you feel like -- you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him?
STEWART: Yes. "How are you holding up?" is a real suck-up. And I actually giving him a hot stone massage as we were doing it.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: It sounded that way. It did.
STEWART: You know, it's interesting to hear you talk about my responsibility.
CARLSON: I felt the sparks between you.
STEWART: I didn't realize that -- and maybe this explains quite a bit.
CARLSON: No, the opportunity to...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: ... is that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: So what I would suggest is, when you talk about you're holding politicians' feet to fire, I think that's disingenuous. I think you're...
CARLSON: "How are you holding up?" I mean, come on.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: No, no, no. But my role isn't, I don't think...
CARLSON: But you can ask him a real question, don't you think, instead of saying...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: I don't think I have to. By the way, I also asked him, "Were you in Cambodia?" But I didn't really care.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: Because I don't care, because I think it's stupid.
CARLSON: I can tell.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: But my point is this. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows. (LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: We're here to love you, not confront you.
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: We're here to be nice.
STEWART: No, no, no, but what I'm saying is this. I'm not. I'm here to confront you, because we need help
from the media and they're hurting us. And it's -- the idea is...
(APPLAUSE)
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: Let me get this straight. If the indictment is -- if the indictment is -- and I have seen you say this -- that...
STEWART: Yes.
| "What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably." --Jon Stewart |
BEGALA: And that CROSSFIRE reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white.
STEWART: Yes.
BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great.
BEGALA: It's like saying The Weather Channel reduces everything to a storm front.
STEWART: I would love to see a debate show.
BEGALA: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: Let me ask you a question on the news.
STEWART: How old are you?
CARLSON: Thirty-five.
STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
CARLSON: Yes, I do. I do.
STEWART: So this is...
CARLSON: I know. I know. I know. You're a...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: So this is theater.
CARLSON: Now, let me just...
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: Now, come on.
STEWART: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie.
CARLSON: They're difficult.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great.
BEGALA: We do, do...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.
CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
STEWART: Absolutely.
CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: What is wrong with you?
CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.
STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
STEWART: You need to go to one. The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...
CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.
(LAUGHTER)
| STEWART: How old are you? CARLSON: Thirty-five. STEWART: And you wear a bow tie. |
BEGALA: Go ahead. Go ahead.
STEWART: I watch your show every day. And it kills me.
CARLSON: I can tell you love it.
STEWART: It's so -- oh, it's so painful to watch.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: You know, because we need what you do. This is such a great opportunity you have here to a actually get politicians off of their marketing and strategy.
CARLSON: Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway?
STEWART: Yes, it's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: I just can't.
CARLSON: What's it like to have dinner with you? It must be excruciating. Do you like lecture people like this or
do you come over to their house and sit and lecture them; they're not doing the right thing, that they're missing their opportunities, evading their responsibilities?
STEWART: If I think they are.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: I wouldn't want to eat with you, man. That's horrible.
STEWART: I know. And you won't. But the thing I want to get to...
BEGALA: We did promise naked pictures of the Supreme Court justices.
CARLSON: Yes, we did. Let's get to those.
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: They're in this book, which is a very funny book.
STEWART: Why can't we just talk -- please, I beg of you guys, please.
CARLSON: I think you watch too much CROSSFIRE.
We're going to take a quick break.
STEWART: No, no, no, please.
CARLSON: No, no, hold on. We've got commercials.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: Please. Please stop.
CARLSON: Next, Jon Stewart in the "Rapid Fire."
STEWART: Please stop.
CARLSON: Hopefully, he'll be here, we hope, we think.
(APPLAUSE)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
?
CARLSON: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.
We're talking to Jon Stewart, who was just lecturing us on our moral inferiority.
Jon, you're bumming us out. Tell us, what do you think about the Bill O'Reilly vibrator story?
STEWART: I'm sorry. I don't.
CARLSON: Oh, OK.
STEWART: What do you think?
BEGALA: Let me change the subject.
STEWART: Where's your moral outrage on this?
CARLSON: I don't have any.
STEWART: I know.
BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material?
STEWART: I'm sorry?
BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material if he won?
STEWART: Mr. T. I think he'd be the funniest. I don't...
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: Don't you have a stake in it that way, as not just a citizen, but as a professional comic?
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: Right, which I hold to be much more important than as a citizen.
BEGALA: Well, there you go.
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: But who would you provide you better material, do you suppose?
STEWART: I don't really know. That's kind of not how we look at it. We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: But, if Kerry gets elected, is it going to -- you have said you're voting for him. You obviously support him. It's clear.
Will it be harder for you to mock his administration if he becomes president?
STEWART: No. Why would it be harder?
CARLSON: Because you support...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: The only way it would be harder is if his administration is less absurd than this one. So, in that case, if it's less absurd, then, yes, I think it would be harder. But, I mean, it would be hard to top this group, quite frankly.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
STEWART: In terms of absurdity and their world matching up to the one that -- you know, it was interesting.
President Bush was saying, John Kerry's rhetoric doesn't match his record.
But I've heard President Bush describe his record. His record doesn't match his record.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: So I don't worry about it in that respect.
But let me ask you guys, again, a question, because we talked a little bit about, you're actually doing honest debate and all that. But, after the debates, where do you guys head to right afterwards?
CARLSON: The men's room.
STEWART: Right after that?
BEGALA: Home.
STEWART: Spin alley.
BEGALA: Home.
STEWART: No, spin alley.
BEGALA: What are you talking about? You mean at these debates?
STEWART: Yes. You go to spin alley, the place called spin alley. Now, don't you think that, for people watching at home, that's kind of a drag, that you're literally walking to a place called deception lane?
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: Like, it's spin alley. It's -- don't you see, that's the issue I'm trying to talk to you guys...
BEGALA: No, I actually believe -- I have a lot of friends who work for President Bush. I went to college with some of them.
CARLSON: Neither of us was ever in the spin room, actually.
(BELL RINGING)
BEGALA: No, I did -- I went to do the Larry King show.
They actually believe what they're saying. They want to persuade you. That's what they're trying to do by spinning. But I don't doubt for a minute these people who work for President Bush, who I disagree with on everything, they believe that stuff, Jon. This is not a lie or a deception at all. They believe in him, just like I believe in my guy.
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: I think they believe President Bush would do a better job. And I believe the Kerry guys believe President Kerry would do a better job. But what I believe is, they're not making honest arguments. So what they're doing is, in their mind, the ends justify the means.
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: I don't think so at all.
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: Now, you're getting into it. I like that.
STEWART: Yes.
CARLSON: OK. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE. We are joined by Comedy Central's Jon Stewart, host of "The Daily Show"
and author of No. 1 bestseller, "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."
CARLSON: And a ton of fun, I like that too.
BEGALA: Some questions from our audience. Yes sir, what's your name, what's your name?
QUESTION: Hi, my name's David. I'm from Boston.
STEWART: Hi, David.
QUESTION: My question is, what do you think the hump on G.W.'s back during the debate was?
STEWART: Say it again?
QUESTION: What do you think the hump on George's back during the debate was?
STEWART: The hump on his back?
BEGALA: Oh, you're familiar? This is (INAUDIBLE) conspiracy theory. Can I take this one?
STEWART: Yes, please.
BEGALA: It was nothing, his suit was puckering. A lot of people believe he had one of these in his ear. If he was being fed lines by Karl Rove, he would not have been so inarticulate, guys. It's a myth.
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: It's not true. There's this huge myth out on the left.
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: Yes, ma'am.
QUESTION: Renee from Texas. Why do you think it's hard or difficult or impossible for politicians to answer a straight, simple question?
STEWART: I don't think it's hard. I just think that nobody holds their feet to the fire to do it. So they don't have to. They get to come on shows that don't...
BEGALA: They're too easy on them.
CARLSON: Yes. Ask them how you hold...
STEWART: Not easy on them...
(CROSSTALK)
BEGALA: ... saying we were too hard on people and too (INAUDIBLE).
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: I think you're - yes.
CARLSON: All right. Jon Stewart, come back soon.
BEGALA: Jon Stewart, good of you to join us. Thank you very much. The book is "America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."
From the left I am Paul Begala, that's it for CROSSFIRE.
CARLSON: And from the right I'm Tucker Carlson, have a great weekend. See you Monday.
Watch: Video of Jon Stewart's 'Crossfire' Takedown
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A roundup of the most ridiculous things said so far by the 2012 Republican presidential candidates:"Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend." —Mitt Romney to a heckler at the Iowa State Fair who suggested that taxes should be raised on corporations as part of balancing the budget, Aug. 11, 2011
"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." —Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God
"Texas is a unique place. When we came in the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that. You know, my hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We've got a great union. There is absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what may come out of that?" —Rick Perry, raising the prospect of Texas seceding
Read more idiotic quotes by the GOP candidates...
Related:
? Crazy Michele Bachmann Quotes
? Right-Wing Nutjob Quote-O-Matic
? Best Cartoons on the GOP Candidates
10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson
9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson
8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld
7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson
6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson
5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial
4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke
3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department
2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010
Read more stupid Pat Robertson quotes...
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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We're all pretty good at whining. After all, it's one of the first things we learn to do as babies. This is for evolutionary reasons: if babies didn't whine then their mothers would forget they existed and just leave them in a field to get eaten by a sabertooth tiger or something. That's science. What's not science is whining because your iPod's shuffle function is shuffling inadequately or because they only have single ply toilet paper at your local fast food joint. Then you're just being a little too much of a cracker (I can say it; I'm white). White Whine spots and shames runaway complainers. Good for them, because the world is crumbling around us, and this is what you complain about?
Image courtesy of White Whine
photo courtesy of Engrish
photo courtesy of There I Fixed It
The text on There I Fixed It's banner boasts that the site features "Epic Kludges + Jury Rigs." A kludge is a temporary solution to a problem that, when applied to the worlds of construction, plumbing and car repair, normally involves a fistful of duct tape and some random cobbling. Sometimes, people take pictures of their "epic kludges" because they are just preposterous. And thanks to There I Fixed It, your shopping cart grill can be enjoyed by the public at large.
photo courtesy of My First Fail
My First Fail is like the baby sister of Fail Blog and There I Fixed It. Literally -- the site features cute children failing at various activities, from sitting on Santa's lap to going to the bathroom. The difference between My First Fail and those other sites is that when these kids screw up... well, it's so darned cute!
photo courtesy of The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks
photo courtesy of Awful Library Books
photo courtesy of Awkward Family Photos
photo courtesy of This Is Why You're Fat
photo courtesy of Ugly Overload
photo courtesy of Nicolas Cage as Everyone
A collection of some of our favorite political quips throughout history:"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." —Mark Twain
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." —President Abraham Lincoln
"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." —President Ronald Reagan, during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale
Read more funny political quotes...
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A roundup of the best and worst political news headlines of all time, including clever tabloid headlines, embarrassing bloopers, and other funny FAILS:? "Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package"
? "Weiner Finally Yanks Himself"
? "Obamas Juggle Inaugural Balls"
? "Bush: One of the Worst Disasters to Hit the U.S."
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? Funny Political Protest Signs
? When Photo Ops Go Horribly Awry
? Funniest Politics Pics Ever
