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"The woman suing Bill O'Reilly for unwanted phone sex is allegedly asking for $60 million in damages. That sounds like a lot, until you figure it works out to about $2.99 a minute." --Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"As you know, Bill O'Reilly is being accused of sexual harassment from a female producer on his show. She claims they had phone sex and he claims, no he is just a victim of vast right hand conspiracy." --Jay Leno
"First Mike Wallace had the run in with the limo driver -- remember they threw Mike Wallace in jail. Then Dan Rather gets caught with a fake memo, now Bill O'Reilly being sued for sexual harassment. Do you know the most trusted news man in America is now Geraldo Rivera?" --Jay Leno
"When it comes to accusations, we don't know who's telling the truth, so I'm not going to get on the Bill O'Reilly bandwagon. But one of his producers is suing him for unwanted phone sex with her while he was using a vibrator on himself. To me, that doesn't sound like Bill O'Reilly, because usually he's pulling stuff out of his ass." --Bill Maher
"California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says that after he gave a speech at the Republican Convention, his wife, Maria Shriver, was so mad, she wouldn't have sex with him for 14 days. Schwarzenegger said things got so bad he had to call up Bill O'Reilly." --Conan O'Brien
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment suit against Bill O-O-O'Reilly. She claims he repeatedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. The last straw was when he asked her if her breasts were fair and balanced." --Jay Leno
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment against Bill O'Reilly. He reportedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. Of coarse, the people at Fox News were shocked. They had no idea O'Reilly was a Democrat. Oh, it gets worse, after she hung up on him, Bill tried to *69 her." --Jay Leno
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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