Web Humor & Political Humor: August 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fox News Jokes

"The big rumor in Washington is that President Bush is about to hire Tony Snow of Fox News to be his new press secretary. His job will be to defend everything the president does, so it's basically a lateral move. It's basically the same thing he's doing now." --Jay Leno

"There is no word yet on who will fill McClellan's shoes, although one rumored candidate is Tony Snow, a correspondent at Fox News. In other words, the White House is considering paying a Fox News reporter to tell the public what they want the public to hear. I hope he's up to the job." --Jon Stewart

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. ... There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

"A mere five days after shooting a man in the face, Vice President Dick Cheney broke his silence about the incident by submitting to a no-holds-barred grilling at a public press conference. I'm just kidding. ... Actually, he sat down with Brit Hume on Fox News for not some much a grilling -- more of a teat suckle." --Jon Stewart

"Dick Cheney finally answered questions about the hunting accident on Fox News. You know, I think Fox News is a little biased. They called it 'Interview with a Marksman.'" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney gave an interview to Fox News. Some are accusing Fox of giving softball questions. My answer to that is, 'Well, does a vice president shoot in the woods?'" --David Letterman

"He sat down for a one-on-one with Fox News. Very bold choice. Dick Cheney sitting down with Fox News is like Mrs. Butterworth sitting down with the Pancake Channel." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Fox News' Bill O'Reilly has been at the forefront in defending Christmas, even though, until recently, Fox's own online store invited viewers to buy an 'O'Reilly Factor' holiday ornament for their holiday tree. In the war on Christmas, that's known as friendly fire. ... Legend has it every time you say 'Happy Holidays,' an angel gets AIDS." --Jon Stewart

"It seems the Pentagon has been paying Iraqi journalists to promote a proWhite House view in Iraqi newspapers. See, luckily, we don't have that kind of thing here. We have Fox News." --Jay Leno

"House Majority Leader Tom DeLay says he is innocent of all wrongdoing and is the victim of a plot by the Democrats. Fox News does too; they've been spinning this story so hard they had to give the staff Dramamine today." --Jimmy Kimmel

"By the way, if you want to help the victims hit hardest by hurricane Katrina, Fox News has posted the Web site of the Republican National Committee." --Bill Maher

"Oh FOX News, why must the irony-free zone be next to the No Spin Zone?" --Jon Stewart, on a Fox News Channel report about terrorists using the media

"A lot of Republicans have come forward to criticize Howard Dean about his latest comments about the Republican Party. Let me tell you something -- if Dean wants to insult you and make outrageous statements he should do what the Republicans do and get a talk show on Fox News." --Jay Leno

"A cable access show has a character called 'Dick Smart' and it was a talking penis, trying to tell kids about contraception. A court of appeals has laid down the law that you cannot have a talking penis on the TV. Fox News has reacted immediately and fired Sean Hannity." --Bill Maher

"Fox News broke the story with the stunning words 'We have a pope!' Exclamation point. ... Apparently Fox News is now officially a diocese." --Jon Stewart

"Executives at the Fox News Channel announced they're going start a Fox News financial channel. Yeah, the Fox News financial channel will be different because whenever the stock market goes down, they'll blame it on Hillary Clinton." --Conan O'Brien

"Fox News Channel has launched a contest called 'Bloviate with Bill,' in which six viewers will be flown to New York and given the chance to fend off O'Reilly's unwanted sexual advances." --Tina Fey

"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment suit against Bill O-O-O'Reilly. She claims he repeatedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. The last straw was when he asked her if her breasts were fair and balanced." --Jay Leno

"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment against Bill O'Reilly. He reportedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. Of coarse, the people at Fox News were shocked. They had no idea O'Reilly was a Democrat. Oh, it gets worse, after she hung up on him, Bill tried to *69 her." --Jay Leno

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Hoops and Yoyo

For some time, I've observed what I suspect to be a pink kitty and a green bunny appearing at odd places I frequent, like the gift shoppe at the mall. Today, I met them when I stumbled into the Hoops and Yoyo official playground on the Internet, chaperoned under the watchful eyes of Hallmark cards.

When you care enough to send the very best, send a green or pink thing. And you can certainly do that here via free email Hoops and Yoyo greetings for holidays and anytime.

That's far from all! Discover mounds of time-killing entertainment and downloads, oozing with the infectious comedy stylings of Hoops and Yoyo, one green, one pink, both whatevers. These buddies are silly, surprising, weirdly weird, and, above all, laughable throughout animated Web cartoons, screensavers, audio files, photos, calendars, etiquette tips, and other goofiness for all ages.

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Humor Around About - Funny Discussion Forums and Message Boards

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Funny Super Bowl TV Ads

Every year the Super Bowl of Advertising happens to be the advertising of the Super Bowl. Televised to huge audiences and glowing public awareness, sponsor placements have become the game's main sideshow event. So much so, ad agencies juice creativity at full tilt levels. The majority of these commercials, historically, are humorous and among a given year's fondly remembered chuckles.

The 2009 commercials are up and you don't have to endure the inconveniences of a football game or bad dip to see them.

Go: 2009 Super Bowl XLIII Ads @ Spike / IFILM

For 2008, GoDaddy Danica Patrick is back, sharing monitor space with the Clydesdales, Napoleon, Wall-E, Parade Balloons, Richard Simmons, beer boozers, and the E*Trade baby, among many others.

Go: 2008 Super Bowl XLII Ads @ Spike / IFILM

The 2007 Super Bowl commercials include appearances by Kevin Federline, Carlos Mencia, Jessica Simpson, Checkout Girl, Fake Dalmatian, Robert Goulet, Blockbuster's Rabbit and Gerbil, and outed lovebirds David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey.

Go: 2007 Super Bowl XLI Ads @ Spike / IFILM

Go: 2006 Super Bowl XL Ads @ Spike / IFILM | Google Video

Note: Each of the above sources may contain different titles.

Watch Related 2006 Videos: GoDaddy's Banned Super Bowl XL TV Commercials

Go: 2005 Super Bowl XXXIX Ads

IFILM presents the commercial spots from 2004's Super Bowl XXXVIII with the funny ones by Budweiser ("Fergus, Bud Light!" "Cedric [the Entertainer's] Bikini Wax," "Yelling Like a Ref," "Clydesdale Donkey," "Horny Talking Monkey," "Barbecue," "Rick Fox and Tim McGraw," "Hot Girls Get Carded," "Wrong Lipstick"), MasterCard ([Priceless] "Homer [Simpson] Gets His Errands Done"), Visa ("Kerri and Misty Play Snow Volleyball"), H&R Block ("Willie Nelson Talking Doll"), movie studios ("Starsky & Hutch," "The Ladykillers" trailers), Pepsi ("Thirsty Grizzlies," "Purple Haze," "Big Love"), Sierra Mist ("Where's Wallace?" "You're a Dog"), Staples ("Randy the Supply Supervisor"), American Legacy Foundation ("Glass Freeze Pops"), Dodge ("Monkey on Your Back"), Expedia.com ("Leisure-Time Activities"), FedEx ("Alien Shipping"), FritoLay ("Fight to the Death?"), Chevy Trucks ("Soap in Your Mouth"), AOL ("Motorcycle," "Slow Ride," "Car"), and others.

Go: 2004 Super Bowl XXXVIII Ads

2003: All of the game's national advertisements, including Pepsi's "Ozzy (Osbourne's) Nightmare," Bud Light's "Butt Drinker," Willie Nelson for H&R Block, and the movie previews (Jack Nicholson-Adam Sandler's "Anger Management," "Jim Carrey-Jennifer Aniston's "Bruce Almighty," Will Smith-Martin Lawrence's "Bad Boys 2") are available for viewing on demand.

Go: 2003 Super Bowl XXXVII Ads

Replay the 2002 Super Bowl XXXVI TV commercials, too: Blockbuster's flashdancing guinea pig, the Coen Brothers' "Tax Man," Britney Spears' Pepsi Cola nostalgia, Budweiser's "Naked Guy," eTrade's "Monkey Flops," and (my favorite) M&M's "complimentary chocolate on your pillow," plus all the rest.

Go: 2002 Super Bowl XXXVI Ads

Also, we've located another source for commercials from Superbowl games dating back to 1998.

Go: Superbowl Commercials @ Superbowl-Ads.com
Click on the year you want to view near the top of their page.

Watch now: As always with multimedia, the faster your Internet connection and the more powerful your computer, the better your playback results. Need Windows Media Player, QuickTime, or RealPlayer? Free downloads here.

Don't Miss: About.com's Super Bowl Central
Details and updates on everything about the year's big event.

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Chocolate Rain

“Chocolate Rain” is a simple video — Tay Zonday, the video's singer and star, stands at his microphone and belts out a strange song about, well, a rain made out of chocolate. Text on screen (written by Zonday after he filmed himself singing the song) makes fun of the song and the video itself. Words can't really describe how strange this video truly is.

Numa Numa

"Lip-dubs" is a genre of viral videos that's defined by someone on screen lip syncing to a song that's playing in the background. Numa Numa is the mother of all "lip-dubs."The video's creator and star, overweight and quirky Internet celebrity Gary Brolsma, taped himself singing along to Moldovan pop group O-Zone's song "Dragostea din tei." The combination of the incredibly strange song and Brolsma's weird dance moves made the video an instant Internet sensation that has spawned several imitators, but nothing beats the original.

The Star Wars Kid

Star Wars Kid

Watching the Star Wars Kid is like driving by a car accident—you'd like to look away, but you can't. The video stars a reluctant and overweight French Canadian teenager who filmed himself performing light saber moves used by Darth Maul in the film Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace. Like a lot of viral videos, this one will have you howling while you're watching it but will make you feel bad when it's over.

Lazy Sunday

“Lazy Sunday” is comedy rap video by Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell about two guys having a boring, lazy Sunday that originally appeared on Saturday Night Live in December of 2005. Once the video made it to the then-fledgling video website YouTube, the popularity of both “Lazy Sunday” and YouTube exploded.

Afro Ninja

Actor/stuntman Mark Hicks' audition tape—in which he falls flat on his head, gets back up and attempts to use a pair of nunchucks until he falls back onto the floor—has been viewed over 80 million times and remains one of the funniest and most satisfying viral videos ever.

Evolution Of The Dance

Stand-up comedian and motivation speaker Judson Laipply's routine, "Evolution Of The Dance," holds the slot for the most viewed video on YouTube, with 120,364,195 views (as of 5/28/09). The clip is just as the title suggests: Laipply, within the span of 6 minutes, takes a live audience (and the YouTube viewer) through the evolution of dancing through time.

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent

Susan Boyle

Scottish singer Susan Boyle's appearance on a 2009 episode of the TV show Britain's Got Talent truly was a viral sensation—the clip received over 60 million views in just over a month. In the clip, the slightly overweight and frumpily dressed Boyle is set up in the clip to be an embarrassing joke. But, unlike most viral videos, the tables have been turned and this time, the subject of the video, Boyle, triumphantly sings "I Dreamed A Dream" from the musical Les Miserables.

Rick Astley-Never Gonna Give You Up

Rick Astley

Thanks to a very common Internet prank called Rickrolling, the music video for singer Rick Astley's 1987 song "Never Gonna Give You Up" is one of the most viewed viral videos ever. Rickrolling is a simple prank—the prankster convinces his or her victim to click a link, telling them it's going to be one thing (like a funny video, an interesting news story, or whatever might interest the victim). But when the prank's victim clicks the link, they are taken to the music video for "Never Gonna Give You Up." That person has just been "Rickroll'd."

Iron Mic: Eli Porter vs. Envy

Eli Porter

Not much is known about the stars of this viral video that was taped in 2003 but appeared on the Internet in the fall of 2007. We do know that made for a high school public access network and that is quite possibly the worst rap battle ever recorded. Both rappers are terrible, but where Envy is standard-issue bad, it's Eli Porter's strange and misguided performance that shot this video to viral video status.

Little Superstar

This scene from a 1990s Indian film is simple but nonetheless quite amazing. In it, the titular "Little Superstar" figure, an incredibly talented child dancer, break-dances to the Madonna song "Holiday" with a skill that eclipses most adult break-dancers, let alone other children dancers. Thanks to the child's adult-like motions, the clip is both rather funny and fairly freakish.

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Political Cartoons of the Week

Check out our political cartoon gallery featuring the week's best political cartoons.

New this week: cartoons on the East Coast earthquake, the GOP presidential race, Obama's vacation, and more.

More Political Cartoon Collections
? Best Cartoons of 2011 (So Far)
? GOP Presidential Race in Cartoons
? Liberal Cartoons
? Conservative Cartoons

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The Magic of Editing: Recut Movie Trailers

Movies are a good example of a "passive medium". They're just there, how they are, and you just have to shut up and deal with it and watch them. Or do you? In our modern age of cheap editing software and digitized everything, you - yes, you, the reader - can turn old, boring timeless classics into new films, with new genres and, of course, new trailers. Terminator as a love story? Sure. Toy Story 2 as a gritty crime drama? You betcha. Gigli as a good movie? Heh, well, let's not go crazy, folks. Check out our list of the 20 best recut movie trailers and never look at Julie Andrews the same way again.

Image courtesy of YouTube

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Dumb Hurricane Katrina Quotes

1) "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." –President Bush, on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina (Source)

2) "What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them." –Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the hurricane evacuees at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 5, 2005 (Source)

3) "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." –President Bush, to FEMA director Michael Brown, while touring hurricane-ravaged Mississippi, Sept. 2, 2005 (Source; audio clip)

4) "Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." –FEMA Director Michael Brown, Sept. 1, 2005 (Source)

5) "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" –House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX), to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 9, 2005 (Source)

6) "We've got a lot of rebuilding to do ... The good news is — and it's hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house — he's lost his entire house — there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) —President Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 (Source)

7) "Well, I think if you look at what actually happened, I remember on Tuesday morning picking up newspapers and I saw headlines, 'New Orleans Dodged the Bullet.' Because if you recall, the storm moved to the east and then continued on and appeared to pass with considerable damage but nothing worse." –Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, blaming media coverage for the government's failings, "Meet the Press," Sept. 4, 2005 (Source)

8) "What didn't go right?'" –President Bush, as quoted by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), after she urged him to fire FEMA Director Michael Brown "because of all that went wrong, of all that didn't go right" in the Hurricane Katrina relief effort (Source)

9) "I mean, you have people who don't heed those warnings and then put people at risk as a result of not heeding those warnings. There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving." –Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), Sept. 6, 2005 (Source)

10) "You simply get chills every time you see these poor individuals...many of these people, almost all of them that we see are so poor and they are so black, and this is going to raise lots of questions for people who are watching this story unfold." –CNN's Wolf Blitzer, on New Orleans' hurricane evacuees, Sept. 1, 2005 (Source)

Heard another stupid quote? Send it to politicalhumor.guide@about.com

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Sunday, August 28, 2011

Bob Hope Comedy Movies

Bob Hope was the finest comedian-turned-film-actor of his generation. While revered for his well-nurtured characterization of the vain, wisecracking coward in more than 50 tailor-made vehicles across 35 years, he exhibited remarkable command in dramatic interludes, too. Sadly, from the late '50s on, Hope's pictures grew increasingly slapdash and wanting, yet his pomp and pluckiness never wavered.

1) "Son of Paleface" (1952)

For every title on this list, there are worthy films not mentioned. I've opted to share those which have served me swell. By a nose, the wackiest is this superior sequel to one of Hope's biggest hits, "The Paleface" (1948). Looney Tunes animator Frank Tashlin directs the live-action cartoon, a western spoof jingle-jangle-jiggling with Jane Russell, Roy Rogers, and -- Bob's bedmate -- Trigger!

2) "Road to Singapore" (1940)

Bob Hope's fortuitous teaming with Bing Crosby led to six more "Road" treks: "Zanzibar" (1941), "Morocco" (1942), "Utopia" (1946), "Rio" (1947), "Bali" (1952), and (so-so curiosity) "Hong Kong" (1962). Throwaway plots delight with the pals adlibbing, chasing skirts, and breaking scenes to speak to the audience. Frankly, I can't keep these goofs straight, so start here and laugh happily ever after.

3) "Fancy Pants" (1950)

Billed tongue-in-cheekily as "Mr. Robert Hope" for the role of a snooty, two-bit actor mistaken to be an English butler, Bob gets into swirling complications to please rich girl Lucille Ball. The western-draped remake of "Ruggles of Red Gap" is glossy entertainment with ample quips, sidekick Eric Blore, and a dizzy fox hunt finale. And, please, no munching popcorn during Mr. Hope's performance.

4) "The Seven Little Foys" (1955)

A heartwarming tale based on the true story of Eddie Foy, a popular entertainer of the vaudeville era. He finds himself with the unavoidable task of raising the children. Eventually, all ends well with the kids joining Dad's act. Far from Bob Hope's funniest, but arguably his best overall film and most Oscar-worthy performance (with a showstopping dance number opposite James Cagney).

5) "The Princess and the Pirate" (1944)

Sumptuous swashbuckler produced by Samuel Goldwyn. As Leonard Maltin notes, it's "the first of many period pictures brightened by Hope's anachronistic, contemporary references." Sea scalawags try to kidnap a beautiful princess, so reluctant "Sylvester the Great" Crosby bumbles to her rescue and holds the Virginia Mayo. With Walter Brennan, Victor McLaglen, Walter Slezak, and Ye Goldwyn Girls.

6) "Louisiana Purchase" (1941)

A popular Broadway comedy comes to the screen with the political satire muted to avoid lawsuits, so welcome to the mythical state of Louisiana, where young stooge Bob is targeted by unscrupulous lawmakers to take the rap for graft during a Congressional investigation. Memorable for its singing legal disclaimer, plus a hilarious filibuster sequence. Also starring Victor Moore and Vera Zorina.

7) "My Favorite Brunette" (1947)

Hope's exuberance of youth (age 44) and mastery of cinematic presence propels this film noir send-up, stuffed with sharp gags woven into the tale and narration. ("When I came to I was playing Post Office with the floor. I had a lump on my head the size of my head.") Bob is never better than when he's in danger and this vintage private eye caper is proof. "Road" squeeze Dorothy Lamour is the title.

8) "The Facts of Life" (1960)

For the record: Bob Hope often named this seldom shown film, considered quite racy in its day, to be his favorite. Circumstances among two middle-aged couples place one's husband and the other's wife (Lucille Ball) into potentially compromising positions. Will they or won't they? Want action? Watch MTV. This is a stodgy affair, laced with some occasional Hope banter. You'll loathe Lucy.

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Learn a Little Bit of Everything with The Book of Biff

If there's a knock on webcomics these days, it's that they're not educational enough or relatable enough. All that ends with The Book of Biff, Chris Hallbeck's look into the life of a squinty-eyed, heavily eyebrowed man who faces a new challenge every weekday and overcomes a challenge every week or so. Provided you live in a crazy, psychedelic dreamworld like I do, you should be able to learn a lot from The Book of Biff. If not, don't sweat it; I hear it can also be quite funny. Read our profile, better yourself, and improve your life. Or just laugh.

Image courtesy of The Book of Biff

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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Earthquake Jokes

A roundup of funniest jokes and Tweets about the earthquake on the East Coast:

"They felt the earthquake at Martha's Vineyard. It was so bad, President Obama nearly missed a putt." -David Letterman

"Apparently there's a crack in the Washington Monument. Calm down, Marion Barry, I said 'a crack.'" -Craig Ferguson

"After the earthquake on the East Coast, they found Mayor Bloomberg standing under his desk." -David Letterman

Hurricane Katrina Jokes

"Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House." --Conan O'Brien

"Did you see the speech? President Bush spoke from Jackson Square in New Orleans. It wasn't his first choice for a backdrop, but the water wasn't quite deep enough for the aircraft carrier." --Bill Maher

"The president said much of the aid is going towards job training. And when they heard that, the people of New Orleans rose as one and said, 'Can we start with you?'" --Bill Maher

"It's interesting, some analysts said the most striking thing about President Bush's speech last night was the fact that he didn't name someone to be in charge of the reconstruction. See, if Bush was smart, put Clinton in charge. Think about it. I mean if you want women flashing their breasts by Mardi Gras, Clinton is the guy to do it." --Jay Leno

"No word yet on Mr. Brown's future plans, though sources say he does want to spend more time doing nothing for his family." --Jon Stewart, on FEMA Director Michael Brown's resignation

"Brown said he was stepping down because he was an ineffective leader who had lost the confidence of the people, to which Bush said, 'That's no reason to quit your job.'" --Jay Leno

"Michael Brown, the head of FEMA, has been relieved of his command. He has been asked to return to Washington immediately. He is expected to arrive in about a week. He had a good excuse, though. He said he thought freezing in the face of national crisis made him look presidential." --Bill Maher

"Seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend; you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people." --Bill Maher (Read Maher's full rant, "George of the Bungle"

? "Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people." --Jon Stewart

"The president has vowed to personally lead the investigation into the government's failed response to Katrina? Isn't that a job perhaps someone else should be doing?" –Jon Stewart
"No, not at all, Jon. To truly find out what went wrong, it's important for an investigator to have a little distance from the situation. And it's hard to get any more distant from it than the president was last week." –-"Daily Show" correspondent Samantha Bee

"A lot of people are now blaming President Bush for not evacuating New Orleans sooner. Hey, we're still trying to get him to evacuate Crawford, Texas. Took him five weeks to get out of there." --Jay Leno

"Today President Bush asked if his visit to the hurricane zone would count toward the service time he still owes the National Guard." --Jay Leno

"Many Americans are calling on President Bush to fire the head of FEMA Michael Brown because of the slow response to the crisis. Unforuantely, due to the red tape, firing Brown will take 6 to 8 months." --Conan O'Brien

"This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was inarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behavior. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina." --Jon Stewart (Read his full remarks)

"While everybody else is busy setting up commissions and finding fault, through the president's leadership he'll end up building a billion dollar dam in Arkansas." --"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms
"Why would he build a dam in Arkansas?" --Jon Stewart
"His plan will be to fight the water there so we don't have to fight it here." --Ed Helms

"So no one's going to be held accountable for this at all?" --Jon Stewart
"No. In fact, if history is any indication, they'll be hard-pressed finding enough medals to pin on these guys. My sources tell me the head of FEMA will be dipped in bronze and turned into an award to be given to other officials." --Ed Helms

"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat." -- Bill Maher (Read his full monologue)

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Naked News Site Profile

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Advertising Slogan Generator

The Advertising Slogan Generator: Looking for a slogan to market your product? Looking for a silly way to kill a few minutes? Then, this online random server toy is waiting for you to imput a name, so it can whip up a dandy advertisement catch phrase from an archive with more than 500 choices. Insert your best friend, your dog, your toe fungus. Insert anything. It doesn't matter. It'll never sell anyway.

Because We Are Brave: We entered our own product into The Advertising Slogan Generator at thesurrealist.co.uk to test the waters. Here are five actual returns:

No One Does Chicken Like The Funny Site of the Day.
Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My The Funny Site of the Day.
The Non-Sticky Sticky The Funny Site of the Day.
Choosy Mothers Choose The Funny Site of the Day.
I Wish They All Could Be The Funny Site of the Day Girls.

Go: The Advertising Slogan Generator

Related Resources: Advertising Humor | Random Laughs Generators

The Funny Site of the Day: Recent Funny | Funny Archive

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