Glenn Beck Jokes
Sarah Palin Jokes
Right-Wing Nutjob Quote-O-Matic
"The big rumor in Washington is that President Bush is about to hire Tony Snow of Fox News to be his new press secretary. His job will be to defend everything the president does, so it's basically a lateral move. It's basically the same thing he's doing now." --Jay Leno
"There is no word yet on who will fill McClellan's shoes, although one rumored candidate is Tony Snow, a correspondent at Fox News. In other words, the White House is considering paying a Fox News reporter to tell the public what they want the public to hear. I hope he's up to the job." --Jon Stewart
"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. ... There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands
"A mere five days after shooting a man in the face, Vice President Dick Cheney broke his silence about the incident by submitting to a no-holds-barred grilling at a public press conference. I'm just kidding. ... Actually, he sat down with Brit Hume on Fox News for not some much a grilling -- more of a teat suckle." --Jon Stewart
"Dick Cheney finally answered questions about the hunting accident on Fox News. You know, I think Fox News is a little biased. They called it 'Interview with a Marksman.'" --Jay Leno
"Dick Cheney gave an interview to Fox News. Some are accusing Fox of giving softball questions. My answer to that is, 'Well, does a vice president shoot in the woods?'" --David Letterman
"He sat down for a one-on-one with Fox News. Very bold choice. Dick Cheney sitting down with Fox News is like Mrs. Butterworth sitting down with the Pancake Channel." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Fox News' Bill O'Reilly has been at the forefront in defending Christmas, even though, until recently, Fox's own online store invited viewers to buy an 'O'Reilly Factor' holiday ornament for their holiday tree. In the war on Christmas, that's known as friendly fire. ... Legend has it every time you say 'Happy Holidays,' an angel gets AIDS." --Jon Stewart
"It seems the Pentagon has been paying Iraqi journalists to promote a proWhite House view in Iraqi newspapers. See, luckily, we don't have that kind of thing here. We have Fox News." --Jay Leno
"House Majority Leader Tom DeLay says he is innocent of all wrongdoing and is the victim of a plot by the Democrats. Fox News does too; they've been spinning this story so hard they had to give the staff Dramamine today." --Jimmy Kimmel
"By the way, if you want to help the victims hit hardest by hurricane Katrina, Fox News has posted the Web site of the Republican National Committee." --Bill Maher
"Oh FOX News, why must the irony-free zone be next to the No Spin Zone?" --Jon Stewart, on a Fox News Channel report about terrorists using the media
"A lot of Republicans have come forward to criticize Howard Dean about his latest comments about the Republican Party. Let me tell you something -- if Dean wants to insult you and make outrageous statements he should do what the Republicans do and get a talk show on Fox News." --Jay Leno
"A cable access show has a character called 'Dick Smart' and it was a talking penis, trying to tell kids about contraception. A court of appeals has laid down the law that you cannot have a talking penis on the TV. Fox News has reacted immediately and fired Sean Hannity." --Bill Maher
"Fox News broke the story with the stunning words 'We have a pope!' Exclamation point. ... Apparently Fox News is now officially a diocese." --Jon Stewart
"Executives at the Fox News Channel announced they're going start a Fox News financial channel. Yeah, the Fox News financial channel will be different because whenever the stock market goes down, they'll blame it on Hillary Clinton." --Conan O'Brien
"Fox News Channel has launched a contest called 'Bloviate with Bill,' in which six viewers will be flown to New York and given the chance to fend off O'Reilly's unwanted sexual advances." --Tina Fey
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment suit against Bill O-O-O'Reilly. She claims he repeatedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. The last straw was when he asked her if her breasts were fair and balanced." --Jay Leno
"A female producer at Fox News has filed a sexual harassment against Bill O'Reilly. He reportedly talked to her about phone sex, threesomes and masturbation. Of coarse, the people at Fox News were shocked. They had no idea O'Reilly was a Democrat. Oh, it gets worse, after she hung up on him, Bill tried to *69 her." --Jay Leno
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