"Did you see the speech? President Bush spoke from Jackson Square in New Orleans. It wasn't his first choice for a backdrop, but the water wasn't quite deep enough for the aircraft carrier." --Bill Maher
"The president said much of the aid is going towards job training. And when they heard that, the people of New Orleans rose as one and said, 'Can we start with you?'" --Bill Maher
"It's interesting, some analysts said the most striking thing about President Bush's speech last night was the fact that he didn't name someone to be in charge of the reconstruction. See, if Bush was smart, put Clinton in charge. Think about it. I mean if you want women flashing their breasts by Mardi Gras, Clinton is the guy to do it." --Jay Leno
"No word yet on Mr. Brown's future plans, though sources say he does want to spend more time doing nothing for his family." --Jon Stewart, on FEMA Director Michael Brown's resignation
"Brown said he was stepping down because he was an ineffective leader who had lost the confidence of the people, to which Bush said, 'That's no reason to quit your job.'" --Jay Leno
"Michael Brown, the head of FEMA, has been relieved of his command. He has been asked to return to Washington immediately. He is expected to arrive in about a week. He had a good excuse, though. He said he thought freezing in the face of national crisis made him look presidential." --Bill Maher
"Seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend; you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people." --Bill Maher (Read Maher's full rant, "George of the Bungle"
? "Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people." --Jon Stewart
"The president has vowed to personally lead the investigation into the government's failed response to Katrina? Isn't that a job perhaps someone else should be doing?" –Jon Stewart
"No, not at all, Jon. To truly find out what went wrong, it's important for an investigator to have a little distance from the situation. And it's hard to get any more distant from it than the president was last week." –-"Daily Show" correspondent Samantha Bee
"A lot of people are now blaming President Bush for not evacuating New Orleans sooner. Hey, we're still trying to get him to evacuate Crawford, Texas. Took him five weeks to get out of there." --Jay Leno
"Today President Bush asked if his visit to the hurricane zone would count toward the service time he still owes the National Guard." --Jay Leno
"Many Americans are calling on President Bush to fire the head of FEMA Michael Brown because of the slow response to the crisis. Unforuantely, due to the red tape, firing Brown will take 6 to 8 months." --Conan O'Brien
"This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was inarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behavior. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina." --Jon Stewart (Read his full remarks)
"While everybody else is busy setting up commissions and finding fault, through the president's leadership he'll end up building a billion dollar dam in Arkansas." --"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms
"Why would he build a dam in Arkansas?" --Jon Stewart
"His plan will be to fight the water there so we don't have to fight it here." --Ed Helms
"So no one's going to be held accountable for this at all?" --Jon Stewart
"No. In fact, if history is any indication, they'll be hard-pressed finding enough medals to pin on these guys. My sources tell me the head of FEMA will be dipped in bronze and turned into an award to be given to other officials." --Ed Helms
"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat." -- Bill Maher (Read his full monologue)
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