David Letterman jokes some of his TV shows are so weak, nothing sticks to the tape. That in a nutshell is my explanation for Adam Sandler's "talent." This guy is like a vampire. Look into his comedy mirror: there's no reflection; he's a creative nightcrawler, and he sucks. Inexplicably, unfathomably, and immensely popular, his bag of tricks is off a vacuum cleaner filled with better comics' dust.
1. "Billy Madison" (1995)
Most of all, I love silly, cartoonish movies and this one has a perfect premise: to gain a fortune, a man must go back to school, repeating grades 1-12. The resulting film fails class. Sandler's method is dumpster diving, coming up with a mouthful of garbage -- or an old treat with a bite out of it, pre-chewed by his hero, Jerry Lewis. Jerry's my hero, too. See his "You're Never Too Young" (1955).
2. "The Wedding Singer" (1998)
Begrudgingly passable film with numbing by-the-numbers plot slogs through 1985 settings to name drop for easy jokes, while Adam wins Drew Barrymore. High points: cameos by Jon Lovitz, crooning "Ladies Night," and Steve Buscemi's frilly pink tuxedo shirt with turquoise bowtie. When a suit is funnier than the script, alterations are in order. See Jerry Lewis' "The Patsy" (1964) for goofy singing.3. "Happy Gilmore" (1996)
Foul-mouthed, hot-tempered hockey player transforms himself into foul-mouthed, hot-tempered golfer in a picture which fancies itself as another "Caddyshack," but is more like a divot. Bob Barker's bit may be the funniest in any Sandler, yet it fizzles into obscenity. A major, wrong-headed gag has a family's car going over a cliff to apparent death. Sheesh. See Martin & Lewis' "The Caddy" (1953).4. "The Waterboy" (1998)
As usual with Adam's films, supporting actors (Kathy Bates as Mama!) and maybe a rare scripted idea provide the laughs in this tale of a mumbling, bumbling innocent, whom after 18 years as a career waterboy, suddenly finds himself as the new football ace. Our star is Least Valuable Player. See Martin & Lewis' pigskin yarn, "That's My Boy" (1951), plus Jerry's top innocent, "The Ladies Man" (1961).5. "Little Nicky" (2000)
Adam goes to Hell, on purpose. He's the son of Satan in an overblown special effects flick with a lazy grab bag of comedy. Frankly, I fell asleep. I did restart the DVD later, but darn the luck, it worked. You know, I watched this movie yesterday and I cannot recall one funny thing. I first saw Jerry Lewis' evil character ("The Nutty Professor") on June 21, 1963, and I remember every wacky moment.6. "Big Daddy" (1999)
I adore drive-in movie theatres and travel far and wide to attend. It was 81 miles one-way for a double feature with "Big Daddy." After 20 tedious minutes of a small boy thrust upon Adam, I did something I'd never done before during a film. I intentionally induced sleep. "Big Daddy" was the best nap I ever had! Thank you, Mr. Sandler, your co-feature was great! See Jerry's "The Geisha Boy" (1958).7. "Mr. Deeds" (2002)
Haven't seen it. I'm certainly not putting money into the pocket of anyone connected with this unnecessary remake. I'm going to scream now ... SEE FRANK CAPRA'S "MR. DEEDS GOES TO TOWN" (1936)! It's an American classic, for goodness sake. For lighthearted grins, go to town with Martin & Lewis' "Hollywood or Bust" (1956).
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