Web Humor & Political Humor: The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"Donald Trump announced that he's endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, 'There's only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I'm not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter." —Jimmy Fallon

"It's a great day for Mitt Romney. He was endorsed by Donald Trump. Unfortunately it was a split decision. The thing on Trump's head endorsed Gingrich." —Craig Ferguson

"Mitt Romney is getting some heat today for something he said on CNN. He said he's not concerned about the very poor. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that out loud. Romney said the quote was taken out of context. And that he absolutely cares about the poor. In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor." —Jimmy Kimmel

"Mitt Romney said he is not concerned with the very poor. That statement worked out well for Marie Antoinette, didn't it?" —Jay Leno

"To be fair, to Mitt Romney the 'very poor' means anyone who doesn't use a solid gold toilet." —Craig Ferguson

"He complained of course that the liberal media made him sound like he was an out-of-touch, rich dick. His point of view was. 'You wouldn't treat Obama this way. I'll bet you $10,000 you wouldn't treat Obama this way.'" —Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich jumped on Romney's gaffe. He said he does care about the poor people, he loves the very poor. In fact, under his plan, poor black people would be the first ones he's sending up to the moon colony." —Bill Maher

"Romney won Florida. Have you taken a good look at Romney and his wife? They look like a couple in a Levitra commercial. Mitt is the guy you think you look like. Newt is the guy you actually look like." —David Letterman

"I think I can prove that Mitt Romney is the whitest man ever because he won Florida, became the undisputed front runner, and then the next day, the host of Soul Train killed himself." —Bill Maher

"In Florida, Mitt Romney won the Republican presidential primary election. He beat Newt Gingrich handily. Political analysts believe that elderly voters in Florida rejected Newt Gingrich because of fears that he would eventually leave them for a younger state." —Jimmy Kimmel

"Despite his big loss in Florida Newt Gingrich vows to stay in the GOP race. And we all know when Newt takes a vow he really sticks with it." —Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon." —David Letterman

?"Rocky is an obvious parallel for Newt. He's an underdog, a born scrapper, and he is fighting for the chance to be smacked around by a black guy." —Stephen Colbert

"A woman in Illinois is auctioning off a 2005 Chrysler that once belonged to President Obama. You could tell it was Obama's car because it gets off to a fast start and then stalls for the next three years." —Jimmy Fallon

?"I will not be satisfied until super PAC means, 'a frothy mix of lube and campaign funding that is sometimes the byproduct of politics.'" —Stephen Colbert

"The working girls from the Bunny Ranch Brothel are showing up at Ron Paul rallies because he's a libertarian. What a strange world it is when a presidential candidate can accept an endorsement from a whore...but enough about Romney and Donald Trump." —Bill Maher

"Pfizer recalled a million birth control pills. Nothing wrong with them, except they won't stop you from getting pregnant. Or as the Palin family calls them, Skittles." —Bill Maher

More Late-Night Jokes:
‧ Best Jokes of 2011
‧ Latest Late-Night Jokes
‧ 2012 Campaign Jokes

More Weekly Humor:
‧ The Week's Best Political Cartoons

See Also:
‧ Mitt Romney Jokes
‧ Newt Gingrich Jokes
‧ Barack Obama Jokes
‧ Republican Jokes
‧ Democrat Jokes